Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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