I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
