did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize