you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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