Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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