Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
