you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it glows. i had to have it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
