You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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