God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
