i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
