OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
