I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
