Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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