My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
