walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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