A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
