I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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