He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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