make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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