I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
