we have officially lost it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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