I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
