You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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