I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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