im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
