Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
