She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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