I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
