apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
