Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When did angry sex become our thing?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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