This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
