No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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