There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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