i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
