happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have fence marks all over my body
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
