Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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