Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
