I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
