My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
