Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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