So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
