I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
