ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Randomize
