I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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