Swine flu. Run for my life!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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