I wish I only lived at night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
