Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
