As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
