The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate all girls vehemently.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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