Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
