i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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