so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
