It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize