Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
