Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize