promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
