Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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