Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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