No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
