hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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