Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
