I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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