Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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