If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
