I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
