Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
