On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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