i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize