Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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