she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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