the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
