Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize