Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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