If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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