I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
