apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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