i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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