it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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