video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
