She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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