PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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