Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
