I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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