Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
