Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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