Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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