Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
