peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My dick has a subreddit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
