remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
