that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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