why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
