it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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