i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize