WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
